I am here to offer myself as a guinea pig for scientific research. There is something all women of this planet need a cure for: the guy repellent vibe. No, it’s not when you are lesbian – that is something that turns men on! – it is when you want a man [desperately] and they just all run away from you. What is worse is that, when you are giving off this kind of vibe, there will always be a happily-related girl friend of yours who is attracting them all. Nice. And she nods her head faking embarrassment (but giggling inside), because she is is oh! engaged… You gotta forgive me, but I strangely feel the urge to kill you now.
No, seriously. I don’t know what is worse, the repellent vibe itself or the friend. But the two things together – and they always come in pair – are a curse. Nothing could ruin a night out more. All your good propositions destroyed by some idiot who is hitting on her instead of you.There is one thing only that will cheer me up right now, get crazy drunk and vomit on your shoes. And you are a good friend, so you will look after me, because I am the sad, desperate, miserable one- you lucky thing.
Why, why oh why do women get unable to attract men when they need one the most? Why can’t a woman who is good-looking, intelligent, nice and funny find a man? Okay, okay, I know the answer, it’s because she has the “I am desperate and will latch to any decent man” written right on her forehead (and decent really means any man). I know the bullsh$t, you are lonely and needy, distant, unpleasant and not truly interested, your body speaks on your behalf, you can pretend as much as you can, but you are f%cked – the guy repellent vibe possesses you.
That’s why we need an antidote.
I don’t want advice, that won’t work until the guy repellent vibe has been annihilated. And I don’t want to hear that I myself am the cause of my inability to find a man – that I should change my attitude (as if it was possible..). That is going to kill what is left of my self-esteem and the carcass will feed the evil vibe bigger and stronger. No, I need an antidote, a cure, a remedy, a potion, any kind of substance the science can find to neutralize the repellent vibe.
Bad thing it hasn’t been discovered yet. Tell me how I shouldn’t freak out now, I’m 32, time is ticking out!