Take Me Out– Irish vs British

Jess has recently developed a bizarre fascination for the TV program Take Me Out – both the UK and Irish version. For those of you who want to pretend they haven’t seen the show – or secretly wished to be in it – here’s what it is about: Take Me Out is a dating game show where a single guy tries to impress 30 single girls and obtain a date with one of them. The girls all stand behind a luminous station which they can turn off if they are not interested in the bachelor in question. Through 3 rounds the guy can introduce himself, display a skill or play a pre-recorded video in which friends and family reveal more about him (not always the greatest of ideas). If at least one girl keeps her light on, the guy is going on a date with her. If more girls keep their light on, the guy gets to choose which girl to take out.

I have learnt a few things by watching the show, here they are:

British guys tend to be more good-looking than Irish guys. Or so me thinks.

British girls tend to be thinner than Irish girls. (at least the ones on the show).

Fair play to Ireland that celebrates beauty in all shapes. In fact, Irish girls have bigger boobs.

British guys are generally better groomed and have a better sense of style, although a bit too metrosexual. Yet, Irish guys, please get rid of that ugly checked shirt that you all love so much and those flare jeans completely worn at the heel…please.

Both British and Irish girls tend to have a showy kitsch sense of style (sorry girls, I am Italian… I am from a different fashion school).

Both British and Irish guys fall for the flashy girls that are inevitably out of their league.

Despite being really nice and fun and witty, some girls never get chosen because they are pretty, but not as brassily attractive as some other girls.

The Irish blokes are really reserved, slightly awkward when they have to talk to girls (and haven’t got booze flowing down their veins…). British guys however can be quite cheesy (with or without booze).

Girls from both side of the pond are very coquettish, uninhibited and allusive when trying to convince the guy to chose them for a date. I wonder what happened to the demure charm of good girls…I am old for thinking this way, aren’t I?

Way too many guys out there are too close and too dependant on their mother.

And you, what do you think about the show?

TakeMeOut

The illusion of a secret admirer…

.. lasted only a few seconds!

I was reading one of my favourite section of the Metro Herald this morning on my bus journey to work – ‘Mailbox’, where emails, texts, twitter and facebook messages from readers are published.

I casually started reading the messages under “Yeh Big Ride – Strangers on a train.. or bus”..

To the dishy brunette (I think you used to be blonde?)..

Ahahah.. this could be me!

.. who always wears the cutest hats..

Oh, this could really be me!

and gets the train from Sutton every morning.

It’s me, it’s me! I get the bus from Suffolk every morning! Oh, wait…I get the BUS from SuFFoLK every morning.. : ( Bummer!!

IMG_1962

What’s the worst place on earth to be single?

Or else, when one has to come to terms with their relocation choices.

It came out as joke on the internet – there are 7 billion people in the world, I am sorry you are still single – it made me laugh and then it made me think. True, I am single. So, what’s the story?

Just to check what my chances are, I decided to have a look at some demographics. Wikipedia says that there are 105 men for every 100 women in the world. Promising, at least there are enough blokes for all women. To assess my chances more closely, I have checked the most recent demographics for Ireland. According to the Census 2011, in Dublin there are  949 guys for every 1,000 girls, with an about even 1 male/1 female ratio, they say – well, not quite, we seem to be 51 blokes short, not considering the gay ones!

It may still seem a fair good chance to meet someone… well, then it must be that I am too picky, or there is true lack of dateable guys in Dublin (Tallafornia has started on TV while I was here all intent on statistics…).

It is probably my personal perception of Dublin guys by now, but statistics are on my side – or, actually, they support my theory, but they’re definitely against me. When women outnumber men, men show a tendency to lure women into multiple, short-term, uncommitted relationships. They don’t feel any pressure to settle down as women are plentiful (the proper term here is Taco Fest). This would explain why Dublin guys are stingy and don’t invite girls out. They also don’t seem to be much interested in conversation, like they have no incentive in making the effort, except after a few pints (and there the conversation flows…).

Given the male to female ratio, I should relocate to Smurf Village. Lucky Smurfette!

Smurfs

The proper term here is Sausage Fest.

IMMIGRATION COUNSELLING REQUIRED: IRISH MEN (applicable to Anglo-Saxon Men in general..)

January 2012
This is definitely my most read blog-post! Thanks everyone for reading.  Many of my fellow (single) girl friends have confirmed that the below is applicable to Anglo-Saxon men in general, from both the Northern and Southern Hemisphere, therefore I have decided to add it to the title. Enjoy!
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Women offer sex in order to have a relationship

The picture represents the Irish claddagh, symbol of Love, Friendship and Loyalty.It seems to be the Irish way. I was struck and shocked by this statement from an Irish (male) friend.

Apparently if you are Irish you grow up in a small community, where everyone knows everyone. Women know what they want, pick the man they desire and offer him sex in order to have a relationship.

If you’re Italian you also most likely grow up in a small community where everyone knows everyone. The Italian way is slightly different though: women choose the man they want to have a relationship with and try to seduce him; he will have to work hard in order to take her into the bed.

Great, now I’m confused. Being in Ireland I have to learn how to deal with men from scratch, as if it hadn’t been hard enough so far. If I don’t offer men sex I might end up on the shelf. If I offer sex but I don’t belong to any Irish community, will I get a relationship in return?

Where are you from?

This is the first thing they ask you when you meet them. Your first name comes second. They certainly act in a slightly different way with girls from other countries.

Irish men have proven to have a real taste for foreign women, especially exotic brunettes with deep dark eyes (which I am not). Fair enough, you are always attracted to what you have been less exposed to; however, it is as if they were adjusting a woman’s rating according to her nationality – if not just the colour of her hair, eyes and complexion. So if a woman would score a 6 by her looks, you can add and extra point if she is dark skinned, another 1.5 points if she’s South American. This is probably why Irish women keep complaining their guys don’t find them attractive any more. I should probably worry as everyone keeps asking me if I am Irish (grrr!).

Slow motion

Ireland is a very calm country. Life flows in a quiet habitual way here. Irish courting rituals are no exception. An Irish guy fleeting glances at you over the room or flirting with you is, in most cases, harmless. Even when they have true interest, they don’t make a move for a very, very long time. It’s official founding:almost one in four men think that it is appropriate to become intimate in a relationship after four months.* So ladies don’t panic, it’s not that he doesn’t like you or that he is gay, he just likes to do it traditionally (slow).

Just 4% felt it was appropriate to become intimate immediately. The percentage would certainly peak if men were surveyed on a Saturday night**.

We all have flaws

It requires a certain amount of Guinness for the Irish to find the tongue required to speak with a woman they are attracted to. Until there is enough flowing in the blood stream, they don’t even know what to do when their glances are reciprocated.

Yet, even when things are getting in the right direction, it seems that there is no such thing as “dating” in Ireland. The way to get past the glances and flirtations is to make-out.

Wait a minute. Does this have anything to do with what my friend was stating – that women offer sex in order to have a relationship? And isn’t this in contradiction with what men said when surveyed – that it is appropriate to get intimate in a relationship after four months?

Hard to believe, the two things coexist.

Two are the possible scenarios in Ireland: in the majority of cases you would meet a guy that expects you to make out straight away (if you don’t, don’t expect him to date you, not even if he asked for your number); or you meet a more decent guy that will keep you waiting for a while.

If you are lucky enough to meet a guy of the latest type, he might still end up vanishing out of thin air (you can read my Abracadabra blog post to find out more).

Thus said ladies, after nearly 3 years I still don’t have a clue how things work here in Ireland, but I just came to the conclusion that…

…there are assholes of all nationalities!

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*source: Sexual habits of Irish menhttp://www.irishhealth.com

**source: Binge drinking is ‘the norm’ in Irelandhttp://www.irishhealth.com

Do Irish women have waterproof hair?

Two drops of rain and my hair gets soaking wet. Them, they get out of the hair salon with pouring rain, no umbrella, hat or hood whatsoever and still they get to the pub with perfectly blow-dried hair.
Please Irish girls, tell me what your secret is, because I live here, I need to know to survive. Thank you.

Kiss me I’m Irish–the Paddy’s Day Scene

Saint Patrick’s Day, affectionately called Paddy’s Day, possibly the most important day in the Irish calendar. Every respectable Irish person is off work and in the perfect mood for celebration; the festival is on. If you are lucky enough to be in Dublin you will enjoy the parade and the fun of the capital. What better occasion to cheerfully meet people and possibly a man/ the man? With just a little bit of Irish luck ♣!

That is Italian wishful thinking, I reckon. The Irish way seems to be slightly different. The Dublin dating scene is pretty depressing per se, on Paddy’s Day it doesn’t get any better. Almost all businesses close on March 17th, with the exception of pubs. “When Irish guys are drinking, and the craic* begins to flow” recites a traditional song**. Yes, yet again the drunken Irish cliché! Now to be fair you will not find that many drunken guys around on Paddy’s Day, it is prohibited to sell booze before 15.30. What are you saying? Oh well, of course they get stock the day before. Paddy’s Day doesn’t change much from a regular weekend night, the only difference being that on a regular Saturday night you don’t get as much of a chance to meet a Leprechaun. The rest is the same. Leprechaun makes eye contact with miss Shamrock, miss Shamrock hits back. They exchange some flirtatious glances, then, nothing happens really. In the best of hypothesis he will take her number, exchange a few texts during the week and randomly ask her if she is around the following weekend (don’t expect a date); in the worst of hypothesis he will be too intoxicated to even remember his own name, let alone hers. He might give her a drunken kiss, but won’t be able to take her to the end of the rainbow to show her his pot of gold. Nor would he grant her the 3 wishes as he is supposed to (pr$ck!).

How have Irish girls managed to survive all this time? What one has the pleasure to admire on Paddy’s Day explains it all. Irish ladies will be seen wearing a short emerald green something (a skirt? a dress? a belt?) just barely below their @ss and they will be carrying booze in their handbag. Not much different from a regular weekend night. The short something (as well as lots of makeup, tangerine tan and perfectly pomaded extensions) is to attract men, the booze is to help the tongue flow and approach blokes as they won’t make the step. The booze is also for when the bloke disappears. They have all my sympathy. No wonder they vomit at bus stops on the way back home, it’s for the stress, not for the drinking.

Foreign girls (me!) remain perplexed at the Irish customs. But how do foreign guys fit into the picture? They seem to fit quite well with Irish girls. The girls are pleased to find someone who has some chivalry for a change and is not afraid to approach them. The foreign guys are normally pleasantly surprised when they realize they can chat up girls avoiding never ending courting rituals. They are not stuck up snobs as girls their own nationality and they are always dressed to impress. Okay these girls are accustomed to drink more than they can bare themselves, but does it really matter?

paddy's-day

*craic: good fun (lively conversation in Gaelic)

** Original Song Title: “When the Irish Eyes are Smiling”; parody written by Kristof Robertson.