IMMIGRATION COUNSELLING REQUIRED: IRISH MEN (applicable to Anglo-Saxon Men in general..)

January 2012
This is definitely my most read blog-post! Thanks everyone for reading.  Many of my fellow (single) girl friends have confirmed that the below is applicable to Anglo-Saxon men in general, from both the Northern and Southern Hemisphere, therefore I have decided to add it to the title. Enjoy!
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Women offer sex in order to have a relationship

The picture represents the Irish claddagh, symbol of Love, Friendship and Loyalty.It seems to be the Irish way. I was struck and shocked by this statement from an Irish (male) friend.

Apparently if you are Irish you grow up in a small community, where everyone knows everyone. Women know what they want, pick the man they desire and offer him sex in order to have a relationship.

If you’re Italian you also most likely grow up in a small community where everyone knows everyone. The Italian way is slightly different though: women choose the man they want to have a relationship with and try to seduce him; he will have to work hard in order to take her into the bed.

Great, now I’m confused. Being in Ireland I have to learn how to deal with men from scratch, as if it hadn’t been hard enough so far. If I don’t offer men sex I might end up on the shelf. If I offer sex but I don’t belong to any Irish community, will I get a relationship in return?

Where are you from?

This is the first thing they ask you when you meet them. Your first name comes second. They certainly act in a slightly different way with girls from other countries.

Irish men have proven to have a real taste for foreign women, especially exotic brunettes with deep dark eyes (which I am not). Fair enough, you are always attracted to what you have been less exposed to; however, it is as if they were adjusting a woman’s rating according to her nationality – if not just the colour of her hair, eyes and complexion. So if a woman would score a 6 by her looks, you can add and extra point if she is dark skinned, another 1.5 points if she’s South American. This is probably why Irish women keep complaining their guys don’t find them attractive any more. I should probably worry as everyone keeps asking me if I am Irish (grrr!).

Slow motion

Ireland is a very calm country. Life flows in a quiet habitual way here. Irish courting rituals are no exception. An Irish guy fleeting glances at you over the room or flirting with you is, in most cases, harmless. Even when they have true interest, they don’t make a move for a very, very long time. It’s official founding:almost one in four men think that it is appropriate to become intimate in a relationship after four months.* So ladies don’t panic, it’s not that he doesn’t like you or that he is gay, he just likes to do it traditionally (slow).

Just 4% felt it was appropriate to become intimate immediately. The percentage would certainly peak if men were surveyed on a Saturday night**.

We all have flaws

It requires a certain amount of Guinness for the Irish to find the tongue required to speak with a woman they are attracted to. Until there is enough flowing in the blood stream, they don’t even know what to do when their glances are reciprocated.

Yet, even when things are getting in the right direction, it seems that there is no such thing as “dating” in Ireland. The way to get past the glances and flirtations is to make-out.

Wait a minute. Does this have anything to do with what my friend was stating – that women offer sex in order to have a relationship? And isn’t this in contradiction with what men said when surveyed – that it is appropriate to get intimate in a relationship after four months?

Hard to believe, the two things coexist.

Two are the possible scenarios in Ireland: in the majority of cases you would meet a guy that expects you to make out straight away (if you don’t, don’t expect him to date you, not even if he asked for your number); or you meet a more decent guy that will keep you waiting for a while.

If you are lucky enough to meet a guy of the latest type, he might still end up vanishing out of thin air (you can read my Abracadabra blog post to find out more).

Thus said ladies, after nearly 3 years I still don’t have a clue how things work here in Ireland, but I just came to the conclusion that…

…there are assholes of all nationalities!

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*source: Sexual habits of Irish menhttp://www.irishhealth.com

**source: Binge drinking is ‘the norm’ in Irelandhttp://www.irishhealth.com

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6 thoughts on “IMMIGRATION COUNSELLING REQUIRED: IRISH MEN (applicable to Anglo-Saxon Men in general..)

  1. I couldn’t help but laugh at your post. I had to comment and sorry if it is too long. I am Italian (di dove sei?) and live in Derry. I arrived here almost 3 years ago not having a clue what to expect from the opposite sex in a new country. Italian men are internationally reknowned for being more direct and making more romantic gestures and advances. Irishmen on the other hand are known to be the worst daters. My Irish girlfriends constantly complain how their men are not romantic and don’t put much effort. Some if it is true, don’t expect flowers, chocolates, candlelit dinners, compliments and emotions as many Irishmen are not too keen about expressing them. The truth behind this is that Irishmen are much too shy and find these acts borderline corny and cheesy. However, once they get to know you more they do open up.

    We cannot paint all men with the same brush as every guy can speak for himself. But some of these characteristics on Irishmen and Italian men are based on cultural differences and generalisations.

    You are right about the foreign women thing. Being Italian and possessing the so-called stereotypical Mediterranean features; darker olive complexion, black hair and dark brown eyes are bonus points. A darker woman does literally drive an Irishman mad. Then again a blue eyed-blonde Irish bloke drives me mad. So you are right that you are attracted to what you are less exposed to.

    I have to say there is a stark contrast about the behaviour of an Irishman inside the pub versus outside. Inside they will stare and make eye contact, I am sure the alcohol helps them become more brazen. But outside the pub without drink is a different story. They completely blush when you catch them checking you out or when you flash them a smile. In Italy, our men have no shame and don’t care. They are not terrified to stare or get caught staring. Some may do this even when you are with another guy!

    Regardless, of the so called “negative infamous” traits of Irishmen made by some women. I will be honest and upfront after living here for about 3 years I am starting to prefer Irishmen over my own men. One thing Irishmen possess that Italian men don’t is a rugged masculinity without the machismo and soppiness. This is one trait about Irishmen I find most charming.

    Essentially with an Irishman, what you see is what you get. You either like them or you don’t. They try not to overdo things or try impress you all the time. They are not into the over chivalrous behaviour that our men are famously known for which I always found insulting desperate attempts or even worse insincere. Men that try too hard tend to turn out to be jerks in the end especially when they can’t get their way.

    Generally, if the Irish guy is into you, he will always make the moves even if it can be painfully slow at times…lol Once they do they are the ones texting and calling you, initiating meet-ups, and even taking you out to see new and different places. So the saying goes that good things do come when we wait. But what I found unexpected about the men I dated here was they asked for permission to kiss you! Whereas Italian men just go for it. Irish lads are definitely “inhibited” at first, I am not sure if it is because of lack of confidence, shyness or they are just being too polite. Notice how the term inhibited is under quotations because behind closed doors this inhibition somehow completely disappears. Compared to Italian men, Irishmen are generally more laid back and just go with the flow.

    There is one thing my late aunt Alessandria used to tell me growing up. How a man acts and treats you is most important and that respect and appreciation is far more flattering than any superficial compliment, a dozen roses or a tacky box of chocolates especially when it comes from a lecherous eejit.

    Ciao!
    Adelia

    • Ciao Adelia!
      thanks for posting this different insight. I have in fact heard better stories from people outside of the city of Dublin. It may be worth moving then, as there seems to be something about this city. People always say that the true Irish are not found in Dublin. The city changes everyone (I believe it is the same as Milan, where anyone becomes surly).

      Alas, I am also not a brunette with olive complexion, I am blonde and my complexion is rather fair. I am always mistaken for Irish (or American or Australian), no one believes I am Italian when I say it (the lack of Italian accent definitely helps).
      I haven’t been as lucky as you so far, or maybe I have not been able to detach from my cultural background and discover and appreciate a different one.

      Obviously the blogpost is an exaggeration and it is meant to make people smile. I am glad you laughed. Mission accomplished. :-)

      P.S. I am from Tuscany.

  2. really hope this blog is an exaggeration as I cannot decide if your attitude towards the Irishman is rather naive or arrogance.
    How many Irishmen have you actually met? And with meeting I mean more than a bit of smalltalk.

    And why would any man want to date you as you call yourself a bitch?
    Bit more respect for the people of the country you live in would not hurt you.

    • Hi Jane,
      I hope you don’t mind I am only approving 1 of the 3 identical messages you have posted, one seems enough to make the point.
      Yes, the blog is an exaggeration, the same is when I call myself a bitch. This is some sort of creative writing, where I choose to sound exactly like I do, the bitch that speaks is a fictitious character. My real attitude towards Ireland and the Irish people is neither naive nor arrogant,
      Sorry you didn’t like this piece, but in the end, I don’t expect everyone to like me.

  3. Povera bionda Jessica!
    I am sorry that you inherited the lighter traits :(. I am sure it worked in your favour in Italy as we know our men go crazy for blondes!

    Dublin is different from the rest of the country and the attitude is definitely comparable with the Milanesi. I used to go there for weekends to see my friends. In my opinion, Dublin is a city to go out and have fun and to go shopping but not to live. For me, it is too big.

    I think it is important to be immersed in the Irish culture if you decide to settle here. It makes you appreciate living here more and makes you appreciate where you come from. Even though I may seem more immersed than you does not mean I detached from being Italian. I am and will always be Italian. I just think my situation is different from yours. Dublin has more immigrants, I think there are more immigrants there than all of Northern Ireland! I noticed many Italians in Dublin, so I am thinking for you it is natural to stick with what you are familiar with, no? In Derry, I am the only Italian! Or it just seems that way. So I had to immerse if I expect to live here without isolating and becoming depressed.

    If you are really interested in traditional Irish culture I would definitely recommend visiting Donegal which is one of my favourites. I also loved Galway (a lot of Spanish influence by the way) and I think you may like living there more than Dublin. Kilkenny, Limerick and Cork are also nice and friendlier. Have you come to Belfast? It is really a unique city. It is literally a city in the countryside. Even Derry is very charming and the people in both cities are friendlier than Dublin.

    • Hi Adelia,
      thanks for you insight again. It is clear from your words that you are really fond of Ireland. I have a job in Dublin right now, therefore I am not thinking of moving. Dublin in the end is a city I love, it’s home to me now. Whether I intend to settle here, I don’t know though.
      True, there are a lot of foreigners in Dublin, that’s another thing I tend to depict in my blog as well, not just the Irish.

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