ABRACADABRA – Men and the art of disappearance

Men and the art of disappearance

It is called the Houdini Effect. I’d rather call it the bunny effect. Houdini was a man of rare exceptional abilities, there is nothing rare and exceptional with the disappearing art of men. They are just like bunnies; they come out of the hat and a moment later they disappear back into the double bottom.

Some men disappear gradually, some disappear abruptly, some disappear when dating, some other when the relationship is just getting good. The easy explanation to men disappearing on women has so far been that they were only interested in sex and would disappear right after reaching their goal. Nowadays however, a whole new level of disappearance has been reached: men disappear even before making any appearance at all – thus, even before sex. How? They just show their ears off the hat and then straight back into the double bottom. Flirting by text, chat or facebook is the ultimate dating dimension; there isn’t always a next level.

All disappearing acts have one thing in common: the bunch of bullshit men tell women before disappearing. Whether they were just dating or having a relationship, the man was surely making some kind of promise right before disappearing out of thin air. He would say something or act a way that makes her think something good is going to happen – might even be a simple I’ll call you tomorrow. Then nothing. It doesn’t just sound mean, it is mean. It takes the woman some time and a number of unreturned calls, texts and emails to figure out he has broken up with her. Naively a woman might even think that something bad has happened to him (we always do).

Disappearing on someone is definitely a coward break up method, girls do it too sometimes, but what is really inconceivable about men is why on earth they would spend such energy in lying to the woman before. Why say let’s meet againI’ll take you to a wonderful date if you don’t intend to see her again? Why tell her that she is the woman of your life if you’re not that into her? Why lead her to believe the two of you have something special?

I can understand that the courtesy call could leave the woman upset; women don’t want to hear you say you are not attracted or not in love with them and it might be hard for you guys to put up with our frustration, but if you are not interested why pretend that you are? If you cared even for a moment, wouldn’t she deserve a break up talk rather than be left in a void open to too much speculation? Whatever your answer, you seem to be the kind to prefer your own convenience to considering the feelings of others. Too hard to bear, she might infuriate, so you avoid being honest and respectful. Well, vanishing is a lot more infuriating! Confrontation cannot harm you. We are all adults, if you are not in love we can handle it. If you are just not that into me, I don’t want you anyway. But I don’t read minds, you have to tell me. Are you not the one born with cojones ?


This blog is dedicated to my beloved single girl friends scattered around the world. Everywhere it is the same. Cheer up girls!
It is also dedicated to all of my non-single girl friends, despite the insolent bitch that I am, I know not all men are such a****les!

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3 thoughts on “ABRACADABRA – Men and the art of disappearance

  1. Pingback: IMMIGRATION COUNSELLING REQUIRED: IRISH MEN « Jess & the City

  2. i hate to drag the mood down but I believe it is even more sinister than that.

    Men have hordes of testosterone which makes them easily angered, always ready to fight (or argue), insanely competitive, egotistical and with too much confidence. This is all extremely helpful back when they were expected to fight wild predators (I mean think about it: aggression? Overconfidence..?) but now it seems men have no more beasts to take all of their crap out on and yet their killing instinct hasn’t yet evolved out of existence. And so men instead take it all out on poor women. That is, if there was even a time when they didn’t do that. I’m think of history together.

    These men that you’re talking about all get off on the idea of a woman/women in general crying and sighing and pining over him and longing for him for the rest of her life. This is every man’s fantasy. The reason men constantly feed women so much bullshit is to try to keep you waiting for him. That’s what it was.

    I’m truly sorry. Really I am. But what you and other women have experienced was actual real live sadism.

    Somehow women never fully come to this conclusion though because they are to busy involved in petty beauty contests with other women, to even hold men accountable for anything. Btw these beauty contests don’t exist among men. Men usually make sure they don’t..

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